“A Fat Woman Came Into the Shoe Store Today…”

I would like to take this time to speak of a living legend. A man who is so great, his legend should be immortalized for all time. Of course, I speak of the legend that is Al Bundy – the man who scored four touchdowns in a single game. He played high school football, dammit! All-City back in ’66. So here is some trivia questions for you to see if you are just die hard or casual fans of the show Married…With Children.
1) What high school did Al Bundy attend?

2)What was his jersey number?

Sadly, when referencing Al Bundy at work, far too few of my employees even knew whom I was talking about. As temperatures are breaking the century mark right now, everyone seems to be complaining about the heat and most people comment about the great air conditioning in the grocery store. Frozen sections, meat departments, produce, the place is pretty cold.
This prompted me to reference the episode in which the Bundys—in an attempt to escape a heat wave—move into a grocery story to live for a time. For the record, the episode is called “You Better Shop Around” from Season 5.
I started to look around and think, “Am I really getting this old?” I guess the show has been off the air for a while but I think that you would still be hard pressed to find a better character than Al Bundy. I live for that first moment when Al walks through the front door of his crummy house and the live studio audience breaks into thunderous cheers. That moment is comedy gold every time.
Unfortunately, Married fell into the same trap as many great TV shows where the ending of the series was rather lackluster. But I still miss that program. God bless the FX Network.
If you are under eighteen and reading this blog, take my advice, kids. Get watching! It’s a classic.

Answers: Polk High & #33

Some of the better Al Bundy Quotes:

• "A fat woman comes into the shoe store today, and she's so huge that she's protected by Greenpeace, and asked for a size four shoe. I asked her if she wants to eat them there or take them home. And she has the nerve to complain about my performance.”


• “A fat woman came into the shoe store today and asked for something to wear for a walk in the woods. Jokingly I suggested a sandwich sign saying, "Don't shoot, from the front I look human." Now you think a good natured, jolly lady like that could take some good-humored teasing, but what does she do? That cow goes and complains to the owner who then gives her a gift certificate for $200 worth of free shoes. Now you know whose paycheck that's going to come out of?”


• “A fat woman came into the shoe store today and wanted a pair of shoes to wear to a Christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star on her butt, and go as the world’s largest, ugliest Christmas tree. Then she has the nerve to get mad at me because she's fat.”


• “I've had a rotten day, and I'm in a foul mood. A fat woman came into the shoe store today and said that she was a size five. I shoved her hoof into a shoe, my thumb got stuck in the back of the shoe. She panicked, reared up, and galloped around the store, dragging me on the floor behind her. Thank God a stick of butter popped out of her purse, so I was able to grease my way out of there.”


• “A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today and said, ‘I need something I'd be comfortable in.’ So, I said, ‘Try Wyoming.’”


• “Hey kids, here's a real funny story. Did you know that while I was in the hospital, Daddy's nurse was a fat woman who used to come into his shoe store? "Used to" is the term because her patronage fell off one day when she came in and asked for something to make her foot look small. So I said, ‘Try your ass.’ She remembered me all right. Then we laughed, until she picked up a catheter the size of a boa constrictor and charged.”

And this is no doubt one of the best Married… with Children quotes ever:
Al Bundy: Peg, this is $10,000. You know what I could do with $10,000?

Peggy Bundy: Take 10,000 trips to the nudie bar?

Al Bundy: No, just one great one