Yesterday, Amy and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary. A dozen years is a pretty big accomplishment in my book. I wish I could say that I showered her with lavish gifts but I can only summon so much romantic ideas in a single given time period and I pretty much expended all my romantic creativity on Valentine’s Day this year.
Of course, you already know this because you read every blog entry meticulously, right? If not, where have you been?
I know it is cliché to talk about things like this but I honestly feel like I love Amy more today than I did when we were first married. I tend to talk about love and relationships a lot on this blog. Maybe more than I anticipated. But it is a pretty big part of my life. Regardless, I am by no means a relationship expert. I do not want to be one. I do not profess to be one. Still, with twelve years behind us, happy after all these years, and raising three wonderful kids in a healthy environment… I would have to say that we are doing something right.
So for all those out there looking for love (clearly a comic geek/action figure collector’s blog is the first place to come), please take this two cents worth of advice. And really this can apply to all relationships.
COMMUNICATE!
I always say that 90% of all problems come from either miscommunication or a lack of communication. Just simply talking it out can solve so many problems. Explain your point of view. Most of the time, you can find common ground. Or if opinions cannot be changed, at least the other person understands your point of view.
Now, note I said 90%. I can talk with some people until I am blue in the face and I am not going to bring them around to my POV. (In the comic script world, POV is shorthand for “Point of View”.)
My father-in-law is not going to like Barack Obama. My sister is not going to support homosexuality. And you are not going to convince me that the prequel episodes of Star Wars “suck compared to the first movies.” It is just not going to happen. On this, pick your battles and move on. There is never sense in fighting a pointless fight – unless you are part of the brave 300 and, in that case, fight on, my brothers. Fight on.
And if you think that military analogy is too far fetched, look around. Ask people. Marriage is a WAR. And it is important that you are both fighting on the same side. Because life is hard enough to fight alone. Life is a tough enough opponent on its own and you don’t want to fight a war on two fronts by having to fight with life and your spouse. You need a teammate by your side.
And as you fight together as a team, suddenly you find yourself fighting a little harder. I push myself to get more comic book pages done, to clean the house, to do the dishes (even when I don’t want to) to make sure that she is happy. I do it because I don’t want to let her down.
And that’s how I know I have found my true love. It is because I care more about her happiness than I do my own. That is not saying that I am forsaking my own happiness. As Katt Williams once said, “You have to look out for your star mother-!@#ing player.” And that star player is the person you see in the mirror. It has to be a two way street.
There are times where she lets me have my happiness over her own. I know she doesn’t want my living room desk covered in action figures. I know she doesn’t want me to build a shrine to Lara Croft (to be covered on my next blog entry). But she knows that it makes me happy.
So a recap from a person coming from twelve years of wedded bliss. Talk. Communicate with one another. Put their needs ahead of your own but not forsaking yourself in the process. If you can do that, trust me, true love will emerge.
And letting him touch your naughty parts a little more frequently helps too. Word to ya mutha. (C’mon, I was getting a little too philosophical there. I can’t be all gushy and Dr. Phil here…)
Of course, you already know this because you read every blog entry meticulously, right? If not, where have you been?
I know it is cliché to talk about things like this but I honestly feel like I love Amy more today than I did when we were first married. I tend to talk about love and relationships a lot on this blog. Maybe more than I anticipated. But it is a pretty big part of my life. Regardless, I am by no means a relationship expert. I do not want to be one. I do not profess to be one. Still, with twelve years behind us, happy after all these years, and raising three wonderful kids in a healthy environment… I would have to say that we are doing something right.
So for all those out there looking for love (clearly a comic geek/action figure collector’s blog is the first place to come), please take this two cents worth of advice. And really this can apply to all relationships.
COMMUNICATE!
I always say that 90% of all problems come from either miscommunication or a lack of communication. Just simply talking it out can solve so many problems. Explain your point of view. Most of the time, you can find common ground. Or if opinions cannot be changed, at least the other person understands your point of view.
Now, note I said 90%. I can talk with some people until I am blue in the face and I am not going to bring them around to my POV. (In the comic script world, POV is shorthand for “Point of View”.)
My father-in-law is not going to like Barack Obama. My sister is not going to support homosexuality. And you are not going to convince me that the prequel episodes of Star Wars “suck compared to the first movies.” It is just not going to happen. On this, pick your battles and move on. There is never sense in fighting a pointless fight – unless you are part of the brave 300 and, in that case, fight on, my brothers. Fight on.
And if you think that military analogy is too far fetched, look around. Ask people. Marriage is a WAR. And it is important that you are both fighting on the same side. Because life is hard enough to fight alone. Life is a tough enough opponent on its own and you don’t want to fight a war on two fronts by having to fight with life and your spouse. You need a teammate by your side.
And as you fight together as a team, suddenly you find yourself fighting a little harder. I push myself to get more comic book pages done, to clean the house, to do the dishes (even when I don’t want to) to make sure that she is happy. I do it because I don’t want to let her down.
And that’s how I know I have found my true love. It is because I care more about her happiness than I do my own. That is not saying that I am forsaking my own happiness. As Katt Williams once said, “You have to look out for your star mother-!@#ing player.” And that star player is the person you see in the mirror. It has to be a two way street.
There are times where she lets me have my happiness over her own. I know she doesn’t want my living room desk covered in action figures. I know she doesn’t want me to build a shrine to Lara Croft (to be covered on my next blog entry). But she knows that it makes me happy.
So a recap from a person coming from twelve years of wedded bliss. Talk. Communicate with one another. Put their needs ahead of your own but not forsaking yourself in the process. If you can do that, trust me, true love will emerge.
And letting him touch your naughty parts a little more frequently helps too. Word to ya mutha. (C’mon, I was getting a little too philosophical there. I can’t be all gushy and Dr. Phil here…)
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