How to Keep Me Off Crystal Meth…

I have had three people in my life that have been incredibly influential and could not be more diametrically different. Yet, all three have one common factor that links them all together. The first is my father. The second is my high school football coach. The third is the store director at my 9-to-5 job. The one trait that all these men share is that I never wanted to disappoint them. If I was ever addicted to crystal meth and had to be on that show Intervention, all it would take is a panel of these three men in which they all say to me, “I am very disappointed in you, son.” I would shatter like a pane of glass and then be ready to be built back up by one of those motivational speakers that yell at you and you thank them for it afterwards. Pay attention, Ray Lewis. Just saying… There are job opportunities out there after football.
The relationship with my father has always been a strong one. Given the fact that he gave me life, food, shelter, and so forth, it seems pretty obvious why I would not want to disappoint him. Yet, not all people have a similar relationship with their paterfamilias. Others could care less what their fathers’ think of them.
Then there is my football coach. His coaching style left you with a desire to make him happy. I remember blowing a big play and then having to make that horrible run to the sidelines after the series was over. Yet, not all coaches can inspire that kind of relationship with their players. If you could, there would be none of these sorted tales of NFL players shooting themselves in the leg with a pistol tucked into the waistband of his sweatpants. There would be no Pacman Joneses. No Michael Vicks. They would not do stupid things for fear of disappointing their coaches. I watch America’s Game all the time on NFL Network and clearly, some coaches are better at this ability than others.
Then there is my boss at work. I cannot put my finger on it. I have worked with a large number of managers over the course of my retail career. I have found that some managers are promoted to a level of authority without being properly trained to truly manage people. Others just know how to treat people that work with them. Is it instinctive or is it taught? Is it both?
Regardless, I had to defuse a situation yesterday and I did it by taking power into my own hands. Better to go to them and say, “This is what I did” as opposed to them having to come to me. But in doing so, my biggest fear – the cottonmouth, the acid in the stomach – was that my boss would be disappointed with me. Granted, what I did was a minor infraction. There was never any fear that my job was actually in jeopardy but I did not want to have to make that “walk of shame.” And not the good kind that you make from a fraternity or sorority house where you at least have a story to tell and some inappropriate pictures on your cell phone (if you are lucky).
I did not want to disappoint him.
Curiously, one of my very good friends recently was involved in an incident and was transferred to another store. When we talked (at length) about what was going on, his biggest complaint with the entire situation is that he felt he had let Charley down. So, I am not the only person that feels this way. But I am sure that there are other people out there that could give a flip less what Charley (or their current boss) thinks of them.
So what is it? What is that intangible factor that motivates people to not be a disappointment in Person X’s eyes? Is it something instinctive where either you have it or you don’t? Can it be taught? More importantly, can it be bottled? What a powerful weapon that would be…
I have always wondered. Who drills the drill instructors? We have all seen R. Lee Ermey’s performance in Full Metal Jacket. Who are the instructors that train those men to become such revered teachers? Because I want to meet THAT person…

Tanks, Driving Your Car, & Destiny…

As corny and cliché as it may sound, the universe can speak to you at times and you have to be prepared to listen to what it is saying. You don’t want to have the headphones to your MP3 player tucked in when you are about to hear some advice.
So, I have spoken in the past about my crippling addiction to World of Warcraft. Wait. Don’t quit reading. I am giving you a metaphor. Okay, so in that game, you do these dungeon runs where you get lumped in with four other players. You have a healer (who keeps everyone’s health up), three DPSers (which stands for Damage Per Second), and your Tank. The Tank is your meat shield. They wear heavy armor and have lots of health. They don’t dole out a lot of damage but they are not supposed to. That is the DPSers’ job. The tanks job is to wave the flare at the T-Rex so it won’t eat the kids in the stranded SUV. Then when the T-Rex starts chasing you, all the DPS burn him down with their high attack power.
Tanks inevitably have to be the leader of the group. They set the tempo for the attacks and make a dungeon run smoothly. Get a great one and your jaw drops on floor. But get a bad one and everyone dies and the other toons (players) wearing plate armor have a massive repair bill. A tank has made the commitment to be leader of the group. You are carrying the group on your shoulders and you promise to keep them safe. “I will get you through this dungeon and everyone is going to go home safe with some gold in their pockets and hopefully a new weapon or piece of armor.”
So far, in the game, I have been a DPSer. And I feel like I am getting better all the time. I feel solid in my role, learn from my mistakes, and can be counted on to wail away on those bad guys – especially against multiple enemies. As a DPS Paladin (or the horribly nicknamed Retadin for Retribution Paladin), I bring the pain and the more enemies around me, the more damage I do. But I am beginning to dip my toe into the pool of tanking. Playing this game for over a year now and understanding the mechanics more, it is time for me to step up into a leadership position. It is time for me to be in the driver’s seat.
Coincidentally, I have been watching NFL Network a lot lately. I love Hard Knocks and America’s Game. Very recently, I ran across the America’s Game featuring the 2003 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. One of the players featured in that episode was Warren Sapp talking about his Super Bowl victory. I’ve always loved Sapp (except for his time spent as a Raider) and I love to see him on NFL Total Access. Sure enough, later that evening, Sapp was on Total Access talking about the difference between football players. If a football team is a car, some players are drivers and some are passengers. Being a driver is a big responsibility. Some players should only be passengers and it is only when they are suddenly shoved into the driver’s seat that they realize that should be passengers.
All quarterbacks have to be drivers. Emmitt Smith was a great running back but Troy Aikman was the leader of that team. Peyton Manning. Eli Manning. Brett Farve. Joe Montana. People remember the quarterbacks most of all. Defenses are a little different. Warren Sapp. Ray Lewis. Michael Strahan. Reggie White. Leaders can emerge from multiple positions.
So looking around at my life, I realize that far too much, I am a passenger. I am too dependent on too many things and I am not driving my life. I am too dependent on my 9-to-5 which I hate and is a major source of stress in my life. In my comic book writing, I am too dependent on editors deciding which projects I do. I have to wait for them to say yes or no to approve a project or edit an existing project to advance my career. I am too dependant on that credit card bill I let spiral out of control.
I have decided to make massive changes in my life. It is too long in coming. Things have to change. Because how I feel right now, this is not how life was supposed to be. It is time to slide out of the passenger seat and take the wheel.
It’s time for me to be the tank…