Agents of Intolerance

Most of the time I tend to fill my blogs with jokes, humorous stories, and crazy comic book related junk. I try to shy away from the profound or potentially offending. I guess such is my nature. It kind of goes back to the old adage that there are two things not discussed at the dinner table: Religion and Politics. It is something that few people can agree upon. I often take pride in being able to see both sides of an argument. As a writer that is obsessed with accurately portraying people’s motivations, I think I tend to see the world through a writer’s eyes where I study why people do the things they do.
On a quick note, I was fascinated with the Eliot Spitzer case (the New York governor who was forced to resign because of a prostitution sting). He was this right wing, moral guy that they called the Elliot Ness of Wall Street and he was big in busting up prostitution rings but he himself frequented the use of a high-end ring called The Emperor’s Club.
Psychiatrists are saying that people in positions of power often target their addictions with rage because they hate their own addictions. If you have a guy that loves going to prostitutes but he hates himself for it, in the public eye he will say how much he hates prostitution and will fight to bring it down. Kind of like a guy who claims to hate homosexuals because he is secretly gay.
Which kind of brings me back full circle to my original point. While I try to stay away from controversial subjects and keep my blog light and fun… Man I have a bone to pick…
Old people.
Okay, maybe that’s an unfair assessment. I just hope that I never get to the age where I become so firmly entrenched in my beliefs that I am unwilling to accept change or other people’s ideas.
I like to think that with every generation, we get a step farther away from hate and intolerance. But I was having a conversation with a few older ladies the other day, old enough to be considered ahead of my generation. And they actually referred to homosexuality as “a disease.”
I tried to explain that cancer is a disease. Hepatitis is a disease. But homosexuality is not a disease. It is not something to be “cured.”
I believe that homosexuality comes from nature, not nurture. I didn’t wake up one day and make the conscious decision that I love huge boobs. It’s just the way I am. So I don’t believe that a person just wakes up one day and decides to choose a wang over a coochie. It just doesn’t work like that.
Now female gay, I can kind of understand. Women are soft. They have curves. They are works of art. Guy gay I don’t really get because guys are blocky and hairy. But as far as I am concern, let people do what they want. Why should I care? Whatever makes you happy…
But to actually refer to homosexuality as a disease… Man, I hope I’m never that intolerant.

It’s official, kids. I rock out loud.

I always seem to be just a little bit behind the times with the popular things. If everyone is jumping on the bandwagon, I’m always just a tad late to the party. Not uncomfortably late like “why are you just now getting here? We’re cleaning up” late but late nonetheless. I’ve never really been ahead of the curve. MySpace. MP3 Players. Stuff like that.
I saw the South Park episode based around it. But I refused. I was not going to get swept up in the hysteria of it all. And I wasn’t going to pay $90 for a game that I wasn’t certain I was going to like it… But when over at a friend’s house for a Madden 2008 Tournament on XBOX 360, I was exposed and I played the game.
Yep. I’m addicted.
Hi, everyone. My name’s Ryan and I’m addicted to Guitar Hero.
[Hi, Ryan.]
But thankfully it is not just me. Amy plays. Quite frankly, she is better at the game than I am. Alex plays and Jason is struggling but coming along quite nicely with the game. I have been training him by sitting him on my lap and working the fret buttons while he strums the trigger.
And how bad has this addiction become? We’ve purchased a second guitar so we can play co-op and purchased the game only of Rock Band where we can both play the guitar section of the game. And I am eagerly anticipating the release of the next version of the game…
I really like both games. Both have pros and cons. Each game has aspects that surpass the other and aspects that fall short of the other.
One of the things that these games do is really focus your hand eye coordination and it has exposed my kids to a lot of classic rock that they might not have known otherwise.
KISS. The Rolling Stones. Guns & Roses. Fog Hat. Mountain’s “Mississippi Queen.” Alex is now a Stevie Ray Vaughn fan. How cool is that? I mean Alex is playing guitar along with Clapton performing Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love.” And I think everyone everywhere will agree that Clapton is God.
Exposing Alex and Jason to the likes of Pearl Jam and Aerosmith is not a bad thing in any way and that makes them appreciate all these great artists.
Of course, Lauren even at four has gotten in on the act by playing with us on her toy guitar.
The game has guitar battles where you get to test your mettle against Tom Morello (Audioslave, Rage Against the Machine) and Slash (GNR, Velvet Revolver). But the final battle is against—SPOILER ALERT—the Devil. And what song do you battle to?
A rock version of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” as made famous by the Charlie Daniel’s Band. Alex was watching me play when I first beat “Lou.” And as I was celebrating, I was singing along and came to THE part. You know the part.
“And Johnny said ‘Just come on back, devil, if you ever want to try again. I done told you once, you son of a bitch, I’m the best there’s ever been.’”
At this, Alex’s eyes got real wide and he gave me the “Ummm, daddy. You said the “B” word.” And to this, I replied to my eleven-year-old son:
“That’s okay, Alex. This, son, is an American classic. As long as you sing it in the context of this song, and only this song, it’s okay to say it…”And that’s just good parenting. Can’t type anymore. I’ve unlocked Black Hole Sun on Rock Band. Time to go play guitar with Chris Cornell. Awesome!

Ah, the joys of parenthood...

So my son Alex is now eleven and, as such, he starting to grow up into a fine young man. I find him watching more television shows like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hannah Montana, and other live action shows on the Disney Channel as opposed to the animated features on Nick and Cartoon Network. He really enjoyed Kid Nation this past summer on CBS and he has taken to watching Big Brother with Amy and me.
Now, Big Brother is typically an adult show and one of the storylines revolved around lesbians. And as we were watching the show, I could see the wheels turning in Alex’s head and I could see the question coming…
“Dad, what’s a lesbian?”
I think I aged a year during the time it took for the sound waves to issue out of his mouth and travel to my ears. Amy and I just looked at each other and I decided to field the question.
I just politely explained to him that most guys like to kiss girls. (To which he replied “yuck!” Hey, he’s eleven.) But there are some girls out there that like to kiss girls and some guys out there who like to kiss guys. I didn’t feel compelled to explain that there are some people out there who like to kiss both… but ladies, if you are out there reading this, send me an email!
Seriously though, I just explained that this was the way that they were made. Some girls just like girls and those girls are called “lesbians.”
And I like to think I handled the situation fairly well.
There are inevitable conversations that you have to have with your kids. Unfortunately, I am afraid that my little boy is growing up and we are going to have to have “The Talk” soon.
Whew.
Well, as the old saying goes, it’s going to be more painful for me than its going to be for him…

Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef! They found our Sea Men in our teacher’s stomach!
Chef: Good bye.

Best Movies of 2007

Well kids, it is time for a quick run down for the best movies of 2007. Yes, I know. Ryan’s Top Ten List of Movies is always something that people salivate for. Now, I have not seen all the major movies released yet so this list could fluctuate some but, for now, these are on my “Must See” list.

Honorable Mentions: Movies that were really good but couldn’t crack the Top Ten.
3:10 To Yuma: Ben Wade might be Russell Crowe’s single best character yet. He certainly creeps into my top ten villains list. And you don’t see many westerns these days.
The Simpsons Movie: Laugh out loud moments every few minutes. Too bad they saved jokes from the TV series for that last few years to fill out the movie.
Fracture: One helluva whodunit mystery. Is Anthony Hopkins the greatest actor ever? Maybe.
Reno 911: Miami: For the utter insanity of this movie, it is the best comedy of the year, even if you don’t watch the television show.

10. Transformers: Two Words: Peter Cullen. Two More Words: Optimus Prime. The tremendous voice of Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime ringing through the theaters made me feel like a kid again. Not a perfect movie but wizardry of special effects.
09. TMNT: On the list not for the animation or the fight choreography (which involves animated turtles) but for the STORY. The best story I have ever seen in an animated movie.
08. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End: While not as good as Dead Man’s Chest, the epic scale of the movie and the (possible) conclusion of the series get this movie on the list. And Jack Sparrow is one of the greatest new heroes in modern cinema but the real movie stealer is Hector Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush).
07. Mr. Brooks: I know. You wouldn’t expect “Kevin Costner” to fit well with “serial killer.” This is one of the tensest thrillers in years. The best villains are intelligent ones and Brooks is an f’n genius.
06. Smokin’ Aces: One word: Cool. The ensemble cast is fantastic and the movie is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Great dialogue. Kick butt story. This movie is three kinds of cool.
05. National Treasure: Book of Secrets: Sequels are tough to get on the list but this franchise is smart, filled with action (but not violence), and doesn’t need a single curse word. It is just a fun, popcorn snacking escape from reality.
04. Beowulf: For its technical wizardry, monsters, cast and the incredible CGI work, Beowulf has to be seen to be believed. A semi, somewhat naked Angelina Jolie as a sultry temptress sure didn’t hurt either.
03. Stardust: I raved about this movie on my blog praising its story and originality. It’s a fairy tale for adults. DeNiro is fantastic. It is just such a wonderfully unique film. I loved it.
02. Ocean’s 13: IMHO, Ocean’s 11 was the best movie of the year when it was released. Ocean’s 12 was a disappointment. And it was like the crew came back and said, “Let’s do 13 to apologize for 12.” And they made up for it in spades. The heist, the cast, the bad guy, all of it was top notch. Is there a cooler trio than Clooney, Pitt, and Damon?

And the Number One Movie of 2007 is
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1. 300. A true story. A legendary hero. An incredible backdrop. An epic like 300 only comes along once every few years. Gerard Butler cements his status as an action star and a household name despite already having great credits under his belt.
The fight scenes are epic and the romantic scenes tear your heart out. “Come back with your shield… or on it.” “My Queen! My wife. My love...”
It is absolutely the most quotable movie of the year:
“Spartans! Throw down your weapons!” “Persians! Come and get them!”
“Give them nothing! But take from them everything!”
“This is where we fight! This is where they DIE!”
Without a doubt, 300 is the best movie of the year.

Think I’m crazy? Or wrong? To make your own list, check out:
http://www.film-releases.com/film-release-schedule-2007.php