Psycho Facts

The Los Angeles Times states 63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional. That means we’re the majority. We’re normal. It's the people that had the mom, dad, brother, sister, little white picket fence… Those people are the *freaks*!
Christopher Titus, Titus (2000)

So my wife came home from her Psychology college class last evening and presented a pretty startling fact. The most common type of dysfunctional family in the United States consists of three factors:
1) The parents are alcoholics
2) The father favors the daughter
3) The mother favors the son
The typical reaction to this type of family creates the following:
4) The daughter becomes extremely religious, some to the point of joining a cult to be accepted in something.
5) The son develops a strong sense of morals.

Okay, so looking back on my life…

Number 1. Alcoholic is a tad strong term. My mom was a drinker and had a tolerance that rivaled an Irish dockworker. The fact that a 5’2” woman weighing 102 pounds could out drink burly high school boys made her a legend with my graduating class. My dad is not exactly a slouch in the drinking department either.
2. Uh, yep.
3. I think that is a pretty accurate description.
4. Hmm. That statistic is pretty interesting.
5. I don’t know if there is a psychological term for what I have but I often state that I have a “Lancelot Complex.” It is a inherent desire to always do the right thing and if I don’t do the right thing, it eats away at my conscience. There is that little voice in my head that I can’t shake. And I have this problem where I have to have people like me. I can’t stand the thought of people not liking me.
So, let’s do the math here. Carry the one… Denominator…
Wow. Five for five!
When Amy told me about the situation, she was just amazed. It was like the teacher was describing my life to a tee. And when she told me, I was ticking the facts off on my fingers, going, “yep, yep, yep.”
I always like to think that was kind of an “outside the box” type guy. An enigma wrapped in a riddle. Turns out I’m in the majority of the majority… Well, at least amongst the crazies.
Weird stuff…

The Los Angeles Times states 63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. ‘Cause that means when Armageddon happens, 37% of this population is going to lose their mind. “Oh my God, the world is over!” Us 63%? We’re gonna go, “Hey, there’s nobody watching the Lexus dealership…”
Christopher Titus, Titus (2000)

Ridin’ Along with Mr. Murphy

Stephen Colbert on a Study That Said Housewives Should Get Salaries: “This devalues husbands. I’m not asking that we get paid for all the things we do: mechanic, exterminator, trash toter, couch softener, and remote master. And, hey, what about our stud fee? You cannot put a price on quality DNA.”

So, things seemed to be humming along pretty good. I was getting a load of hours at work (too much for my sanity but not enough for my wallet) and we are about to get into that critical time where we have four birthdays in the space of four weeks. This is usually at this time that I take a second job and regular trips to the blood & sperm bank to pay for all the presents. We had all the money we needed saved back for Christmas and I was actually close to being one paycheck ahead. Things were looking good.

Mur·phy's Law n. Any of certain humorous axioms stating that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong.

Yep. Had to put the Jeep in the shop. New water pump. New battery. Suddenly I’m out 400 clams. Savings wiped out. Why does this happen? WHY? You get a little bit ahead and the Grim Reaper shows up slashing his scythe, laughing at you.
In theory, it could have been a lot worse. It could have been $800 or I could not have had the money at all. See that quote up above about not being able to put a price on quality DNA? Well, I hope that applies. I’ve got a little mess on my hands so I’m off to the “bank” to make a little donation in hopes that it will pay for my car. Wow. That came out all wrong.
Screw the pride, I need money.
And if you think the human body only holds about 8 pints of blood, remember the words of the immortal sage Al Bundy after giving his ninth pint of blood. “Well, the brain hides some.” [Takes another drink of beer.] “Don’t need blood. Just gotta keep the brain wet.”
So I’m off for a rub and tug and a date with a needle. I just hope I don't get the two mixed up. Wish me luck.

Quote of the Week

Quote of the Week:

"Everyone should be royal after his own fashion. Let all your actions, even though they are not those of a king, be, in their own sphere, worthy of one. Be sublime in your deeds, lofty in your thoughts; and in all your doings show that you deserve to be a king even though you are not one in reality." Baltasar Gracian, 1601—1658

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated: In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown. So remember, be royal in your own fashion. Act like a king to be treated like one.

TV on DVD and Random Ramblings

Has anyone noticed that 2006 is just flying by?
Amy (my wife) and I went to Wal-Mart today for some shopping and they already had 2007 calendars out. What the frig is that? And they have Christmas stuff out on the aisles next to the Halloween stuff. Where has this year gone?
But hey, the closer we get to January, the sooner Amy starts her nursing program and the sooner I can go back to writing full time and running the household.

So, as this is the official Ryan Foley Blog and I received no endorsements or any sort of payment for my work here, you know you are getting only honest opinions.
With that said, I just picked up Arrested Development Season 3 and My Name Is Earl Season 1 on DVD. Both these shows are modern day classics. Unlike most sitcoms, there is no filming in front of live audience so there is no laugh track. And the writing for both of these series is so spot on, it is sheer brilliance. I would recommend these to anyone. My father-in-law was over for dinner one night and despite company, I was like, “I gotta watch Earl.” He laughed just as much as I did.
Also, Comedy Central has started syndicating Scrubs. I didn’t watch this series normally but I’m going to have to freakin’ start. It is really funny, sometimes zany, and other times touching. They use a lot of crazy sound effects in the series. Does anyone remember Parker Lewis Can’t Lose? It reminds me of that. I might have to keep an eye out for those on DVD too.
Got a sneak peak at The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift. It was pretty pointless. I liked the first one, never saw the sequel, but this was just too… I don’t know. A lot of 14-year-olds might think it was cool but I didn’t like it.

So, man, I’m in the middle of a marathon work session. I’m in the middle of 15 or 16 days straight without a day off. Hey some of my shifts are only six hours but still. You have to get the shirt and tie on, drive to work, so it is still a day at work. I’ve got some craft projects I’m working on (pics soon) but, dang, I want a day off! I’m getting pretty sick of my coworkers. I love the guys but I’ve seen them more in the last week than my wife and kids. And out of those last two sentences, only one of them lets me rub on their chest. So you can imagine who I would rather spend time with!
I just keep telling myself that I am working for my paycheck. Yeah, remember, I started this entry talking about Christmas? It’s not that far off, folks.

Don’t worry my loyal subjects, more info from this wacky world of Ryanland soon…

LUCKY # SLEVIN

So, I am a big movie watcher and a rent a lot of movies but it seems like I went through a dry spell there where I watched a lot of DVDs but there hasn’t been a lot to “write home to Mom about.” Nothing had really blown up my skirt and really impressed me. That void has been filled.
I got to check out LUCKY # SLEVIN on DVD.

Josh Hartnett, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, Stanley Tucci, & Bruce Willis. In the movie, the lead character has the worst luck on the planet and he is the victim of mistaken identity when two warring mob factions recruit him for a job. They are looking for Nick Fisher but he is Slevin… It’s a whole big case of mistaken identity that has incredible results… This is one of the most imaginative and best films I have seen in a long time. It is a lot like Pulp Fiction but with more humor and dialogue that reminded me of Ocean’s 11. When you're watching it, just pay attention...

I would recommend everyone to go out and rent this movie. Heck, if you have the cash, buy it outright. I mean it is a humdinger but I don’t want to say anymore for fear of ruining it. Just know that I absolutely loved this movie. This is the first time in a long time that I have jumped on the Internet to tell my “peeps” to see a movie… and it is a refreshing feeling. Check this one out. You won’t regret it. Guaran-damn-teed.

Work, work, work, work, work…

Here I am starting a new blog, thinking that I’m going to update this bad boy every couple of days, and I end up getting caught at work, manning shift that have not given me a day off in… Well, I can’t remember. Trust me, if it’s been so long that you cannot accurately recall when your last day off was… It has been way too long. But I keep thinking of that paycheck and how many bills I’m going to pay off and everything seems a little bit better. And, hey, I need the money.

Unfortunately, all this work at my paying job has hindered my writing quite a bit, which makes me kind of grumpy but sometimes you need to step away from a project to really recharge your batteries, get back into it, make the changes necessary and really move forward. Taking a step back is not really the right word. It is like halting your progress so you can have a burst of sprinting speed when you are ready to run again.

But, in spite of all this, things are getting better. It is in to that time of the year where you don’t have to run the air conditioner for every waking minute of the day, things are cooling off at night and Sunday is meant for lounging on the couch watching football doubleheaders that keep you rooted into your sofa cushions. I missed the first half of the Giants/Eagles game being a work but I made it home in time for the middle of the third quarter, the fourth quarter, & overtime. All I can say is, “Gosh dang!” Being down 17 points at the start of the 4th Quarter and coming back to win? Yeah, I think I deserve to brag a little bit. If the Giants could play every quarter like they did the 4th quarter against the Eagles, then I know they could win the Super Bowl… Everyone around me is going to moping about the Oklahoma Sooners’ loss to Oregon but, hey, after the Giants’ miracle performance, it is a darn good day. (If only the Cowboys could have lost…)

Last week I finished PROMISE OF THE WITCH KING by R.A. Salvatore. Salvatore is my favorite author of all time and his Forgotten Realms series are the best I have ever read. This was a worthy read because it continues to explore the character of Jarlaxle is my second favorite drow character of all time behind Drizzt Do’Urden. I’m really looking forward to Road of the Patriarch that comes out in October 2006 and since I was so late in reading Promise, I don’t have to wait that long to jump into the sequel. Always a good thing.

So, if I ever get a day off, I’ll post more musings but for now, I have to get ready for another shift. I just keep thinking of the overtime pay and how I planning on using it to fund my Marvel Legends addiction…
More soon!

Ryan

Thinking About My Mother...

For those that have been out of touch for a while or those tuning in for the first time, my wonderful mother, Diane Foley, passed away after a brief but valiant struggle with cancer back in December of 2005. She was 56 years old. She was diagnosed in mid-November and died in late December. Try to wrap your head around that time frame.

She came up to see my wife, the kids, and me in mid-October. She had a noticeable limp that she was trying to have alleviated through the chiropractor. And then just like that—whoosh—she was gone.

I was thirty-one years old at the time of this event. I mean, as a realist, I knew that I would have to come to this event at some point in my life but I never thought it would be this early.
Part of me always thought that I would have to make the hard decision of taking away her license to keep her from driving, watching her hair turn silver, and be able to put my arm around her as we watched my children walk across the stage in their caps and gowns to graduate from high school.

Man, how plans change. I believe the quote is “The best laid plans are laid low by mice and men.” Or maybe, “Man plans, God laughs.”

Either way, I’ve tried to take a very Jedi approach to Mom’s passing and it is times like this where you just have to give yourself over to the divine plan. Everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that. I mean not everything. I seriously doubt that every paper cut and parking ticket is in the plan… but shaping events like this has to happen for a reason.

If I were looking for a silver lining in this cloud, it would be the fact that Mom went out swinging, she went fairly quickly (as opposed to other cancer afflictions), and she never had to suffer certain indignities brought on by old age (senility, bathroom issues, etc.). Like Dylan Thomas told us to do, Mom raged against the dying of the light to the best of her abilities… but in the end, it just wasn’t enough.

For whatever His reasoning, God called her home.

Months have passed since Mom passed away. The pain still lurks there just under the surface. It is amazing to me what will spark a memory of her. I often talk to her when things are quiet or when I have solitary moments. Commutes to and from work are often dedicated to our “conversation time.”

And the other day, I decided to watch O Brother, Where Art Thou? I admittedly enjoyed this film tremendously. It is not in my top ten of all time but I enjoyed it. And at the close and the credits, something caught my attention.

As George Clooney and Holly Hunter are walking and talking, they are dragging their kids behind them. (They’re all lashed together with bailing twine, how hick is that?) But the little kids are all singing a hymn. They cross the railroad tracks and you see the Blind Old Timer from the beginning of the movie. This “oracle” then picks up the hymn and sings it as well as he pushes on down the tracks and we fade to black.

Now, I’d seen this movie several times before Mom passed but something struck me odd so I rewound the disc and flicked on the subtitles to listen to the lyrics. Luckily as the credits roll, the background singers repeat the hymn in an official “song.”

So then I broke out the official soundtrack that I had primarily bought for “Man of Constant Sorrow.” And I had listened to the soundtrack several times… but having had Mom pass away, the last song on the CD struck me in a very emotional way. The song is called “Angel Band” and is performed by the Stanley Brothers. Part of the lyrics read as follows:

My latest sun is sinking fast. My race is nearly run
My strongest trials now are past. My triumph has begun
O Come, Angel Band, come & around me stand
O bear me away on your snow white wings to my immortal home
O bear me away on your snow white wings to my immortal home

I guess whenever you lose someone incredibly close to you—and you don’t get much closer than your mom—things change. You tend to look at life in a different light.

Mom is in Heaven. I believe it. I KNOW it. Deep in the bottom of my heart, I know it. And when I think about Mom, I know that a band of angels carried her home on snow-white wings. And while I still miss her every day, I am happy that she has gone on to an existence that is free of pain and the word “malignant cancer” is not even in the vocabulary. Hmmm… It’s funny how you can see things multiple times and then you have a life-altering event that causes you to see things in a whole new light. I guess life is just funny that way.