Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

”I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I am posting this a day early because I am working tomorrow morning and I am not certain if I will have access to the computer later in the day with all the feasting and family time. Yes, I have to work. It is one of the unfortunate things about working in a grocery store. Still, it is mainly just setting everything up and then twiddling thumbs. Most of our customers are the quick in-and-out types that realize, “Holy crap! We forgot the Cool Whip!” They are not picking up a lot of vegetables. So it should be a pretty good day.
I’ll be out by 2:00 and then it is off to watch football at my sister-in-law’s and a semi-late feast in the afternoon. So I miss the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I think I’ll survive. I’m thinking about hauling over the XBOX 360 for a round of Guitar Hero and Rock Band for fun. We will see how that goes. I hope everyone has a great celebration on your end. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for this year. More soon.

A Sad Day in the Life of Ryan…

For all my friends and the legions of faithful followers that encompass the Foley Nation, it is a sad day. Some of you probably already know. I apologize. I should have contacted you directly rather than let you read about it in the supermarket checkout line. But the rumors are true.
Sometime life finds a way to kick you when you are down. This is the first year that I experienced the trifecta. I go undrafted by the Giants, again… Barack Obama does not choose me as his running mate… And this week I learned that I was officially NOT named the Sexiest Man Alive according to People Magazine.
Instead they decide to give it to pretty boy actor Hugh Jackman. It is a shame that I like him so much as Wolverine in the X-Men movies. I’m not asking for an official boycott or anything. I appreciate all the kind words and well wishes. Hey, there is always next year, right? I’m going to go lay down and cry for a little while…

De-Motivating Your Employees. You Do So At Your Own Peril…

When it comes to regular surfers of the RMF Blog, I know the numbers of high powered CEOs, executives, and managers are not exactly legion. However, if you are in a position where you have employees that call you “boss” or if you ever plan on being in a position to be called “boss,” listen up. Words of wisdom don’t come around often and you need to be attentive when they do.
Take two fighters that equally matched in the tale of the tape – same height, same weight, same reach, and even same technique. There are always intangibles in a fight. You can call them an “X Factor.” That number one X Factor is motivation.
Jimmy Johnson – head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Miami Dolphins, and Miami Hurricanes – is a great motivator. All coaches have to be. In athletic contests, motivation can often be the only difference between a Super Bowl ring and missing the playoffs entirely. Johnson had a simple philosophy and one that I greatly adhered to when I was in a position of management. If you perform on the field, you get better treatment.
Some may say that is not particularly fair and equal but I’m guessing that those complaining about equal treatment are not the ones high up on the performance scale. The rule is simple. If you have an employee that goes beyond the call of duty, shows up every day, doesn’t call in sick, is never late (often early), hasn’t taken a vacation in two years, works and plays well with others, can work without being supervised, and performs above and beyond… LEAVE THAT EMPLOYEE ALONE.
And since motivation is critical, you might think that no motivation would be terrible. It is. But want to know something worse? De-motivation. When changes occur that actually de-motivate an employee, your business will suffer. Tremendously. Unhappy employees lead to lesser performance and apathy. It generates a terrible “I don’t care” attitude. It fosters a “just looking out for myself” environment. If you are a boss or when you become one, don’t ask an employee to do something you are not willing to do yourself and if they perform above and beyond your average employee, make sure never to de-motivate them.

It might end up costing you an exceptional employee…

Living with an Addict…

I have spoken openly about how I don’t understand addiction. To me, if you attempted to quit something and found that you could not, then it would be all the more reason to quit. Still, I am thankful not to have too many addictions in my life. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. Okay, I have a slight addiction to comics and action figures but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view), when you get married, you find yourself living in harmony and consort with your partner. Suddenly, even if you do not have an addiction, you find yourself struggling and coping with your spouse’s addictions. And to me, this is ten times worse because you can only help a person get over their addictions. You are not necessarily in control. And that person has to want to quit.
My fellow bloggers, America, we are all friends here. We can be open and honest. In a way, it helps alleviate my pain to get it off my chest. I love my wife to death but she has a crippling addiction that manifests during this time of year. As much as it pains me to write about this, I have to be honest. It consumes her to a point where she is no longer herself.
My wife is addicted to Black Friday.
For those that need explanation, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving that official kicks off the Christmas shopping season. The deals are enormous. Every business is trying to draw in the shoppers. People stand in line overnight, gorged on turkey and probably still a little drunk, to get a great price on a Widescreen plasma TV or the top-of-the-line computer.
And this day is Amy’s Super Bowl. She begins salivating. Any mention of the Internet sends her in a furious scramble to see if any more Black Friday adds have been posted… even if she was checking even an hour before. She meticulously plots her route, plans to get all the best deals, and prepares to fight in mortal combat with the throngs of shoppers all looking for the sales. She is positively giddy the night before. She barely sleeps. She will be out the door before 5 a.m.
And what is my job during this momentous morning? Stay at home and watch the kids. Which translates into sleeping late trying to gestate the impossible amounts of turkey, pumpkin pie, and cranberry sauce from the day before. It’s a tough job but I manage somehow.
And as this time of year is overflowing with the Christmas cheer, I have tried to fend off Amy for as long as I could. Like a battling Qui-Gon Jinn, I have had to work my green lightsaber furiously against the twin blades of her Darth Maul lightsabers. That angry buzzsaw sound issues through the house and as mightily as I have struggled, she has punched me in the chin, pivoted, and put the bottom blade of the double-bladed saber through my gullet. Today, on the evening of the 12th of November, the Christmas tree went into place. Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas decorations but much like a contemplative Charlie Brown, Christmas just seems to be coming earlier and earlier every year…

Ah, The Crisp Autumn Air…

With the fall back for daylight savings time and sunset registering around 5:30, now more than ever the changing of the seasons has registered. The air conditioners have been shut off. The leaves are turning and falling already. You run hotter water in the shower and just bask in the comfort of the warmth. (Is there anything worse than getting out of the shower and immediately starting to sweat?) Personally, I glad summer is over for the year.
Still, during this time of year, morning becomes especially painful because you are snuggled warm in the bed in that warm pocket of covers and that outside world is oh so cold… you just have to hit the snooze button a few more times.
Still, this is my favorite weather. It is cold in the morning. Not cold enough to need a coat but more jacket weather. But then the sun comes out and if the wind isn’t too strong, you don’t need that jacket in the afternoon.
So I guess you could say that it is “jacket on” weather in the morning and “jacket off” weather in the afternoon. Ladies, tell your men that you would like to celebrate jacket off weather with a hands-on celebration. I think it will help turn an average humdrum day into an extra special one for your man…

(I know that joke took a long time to get there but it was totally worth it!)

Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason. –Tom Dobbs, Man of the Year

Many people have said that this election might be one of the most important of my generation. I cast my vote back on Saturday to avoid the crowds and the long lines. Whether the candidate I voted for wins or not, whoever is elected President of these great United States, I hope that that person can bring about real change.
I hope they can get past all the partisan politics crap that slows down true progress.
I hope that they will keep their campaign promises.
I hope that they leave the country better than they found it.
I hope they institute the Pickens Plan.
I hope they can fix the economy.
I hope they can look forward.
I hope they bring real change. I hope. I hope…

Rattling the Pillars of Academia… Again.

So on October 30th, I had the pleasure of being a “special guest” and giving two lectures. The last time around, when was first able to add lecturer to my resume, I discussed comic books as a form of literature to a small group of a dozen ladies all wanting to be librarians. This was an older crowd – older but not old. They were pretty close to my age when it came to my demographic. This time around was slightly different…
This time around I spoke at Osage Elementary School. I was speaking to a class room full of six graders discussing Greek mythology and my second lecture had to be moved to the cafeteria to accommodate all the fifth and sixth graders to discuss comic books as literature. I think I was more nervous regarding speaking in front of the kids. I kept telling myself, “Don’t drop any F-Bombs. No F-Bombs.” I am kidding. Actually this was a pretty cool experience.
I discussed how super hero comic books are the modern mythology of our era. When I asked “Who can tell me how Spider-Man got his powers?” everyone raised their hands. I compared the characters of Achilles and Wolverine and Hermes and the Flash.
There were lots of questions asked and everyone was well behaved. I think at that age it is a tremendous sign of interest. When one of the kids asked me what my favorite comic book was I tried not to geek out. Instead, I was fairly reserved and said, “The Avengers,” which caused a ripple through the audience.
I tried to relate by using Harry Potter and Star Wars references, which I got good responses. I made sure to wear an Iron Man shirt to show the kids I was cool and not some stuffy college type guy that would talk down to them or talk at them but instead a regular guy that would talk to them. Afterwards, I got high fives from kids. One person wanted my autograph. I was told I was awesome. Coming from a sixth grader, I guess that is a pretty cool thing to be thought of as cool.

It was a lot of fun and hopefully they will ask me back to talk next year. Of course, by that time, I will hopefully have more books out there so I can say, “Go to this website and you can buy the following books…” I’ll have to do a flyer/handout for them with the website address. Yes, shamelessly shilling and whoring out my work for sales! Mwwhahahaha! I’ve become a real writer!!! Watch you butt, Dan Brown! I’m coming for you!