Need a CEO to Run Your Company Into the Ground? Welcome to RMF Enterprises!

I’ve never professed to be an intellectual aristocrat. I am by no means a superior scholar. And I am not go to sit here and spout how my business acumen and skills in the bulls and bears market is superior to anyone. And yet, we have seen story after story of big business executives running major corporations into the ground… and getting paid millions of dollars to do it.
Case in point, take uber-douche bag John Thain, who is now the former CEO of Merrill Lynch & Co. This turd burglar spent $1.2 million redecorating his downtown Manhattan office in 2008 as the company was firing employees and posting record losses.
Thain hired Los Angeles-based decorator Michael Smith. Thain paid Smith $837,000 and his purchases included $87,000 for area rugs, $25,000 for a pedestal table and $68,000 for a 19th-Century credenza.
If I ever saw this guy on the street, I would junk punch him into tomorrow. The money he spent to redecorate his frickin’ office could support my family for the rest of our lives.
So hey, moron companies out there who are paying the CEOs extravagant amounts of money! Are you paying your CEO ten million dollars a year? Hire RMF Enterprises. We will run your company into the ground for half the cost. I’ll settle for five million a year. Look at that. I just saved your company five million dollars and I can’t do any worse than the inmates you’ve got running your asylum right now!

Step on up. Any takers? I’m sitting anxiously waiting for your email…

Moved to Tears... and that don't happen often...

All right so I'm not trying to stir up any sort of political angst here or get people hot under the collar. Unless you were living in a cave... on Mars... with your fingers in your ears... Barack Obama was sworn into office today as the 44th President of the United States. I was lucky enough to be off of work and I got to watch the inauguration on TV.
Just in case you missed it or are on dial-up like me and don't want to wait on YouTube for five hours... This is the text of Barack Obama's inauguration address.

BARACK OBAMA INAUGURATION SPEECH

Now whether you bleed democratic or still have a trunk full of McCain bumper stickers, I don't really think today was about politics. On more than one occasion, the TV anchors talked about the "peaceful transfer of power." I know that in many countries around the world, they do not have that luxury.
Whether you voted for him or not -- whether you like him or not -- I think that everyone can agree that his speech today was incredibly moving and empowering. His speech was less about politics and more about the incredible resolve of the American spirit -- and even more so, the HUMAN spirit. And I believe the human spirit transcends any border.
Admitted, I don't jump in with both feet into the political arena. I am not usually passionate about politics but I will admit this. Yes, I got teary eyed at the speech. I think it was the quote from Washington about everyone coming forward to meet the common danger. I like the part about our patchwork heritage. And I particularly liked the passage where Obama said that he would outstretch his hand if they would unclench their fist.
If he can accomplish even a quarter of what he has promised (got my fingers crossed for the wind power plants here in Oklahoma), then we can get moving in the right direction, maybe the whole world can start moving to an era of unbridled peace, prosperity, and environmental healing. Again, not just for America but for the entire world.
I know it is a lofty goal to put on one man's shoulders but I hope... I hope...

Movie Review: The Express

So I was fortunate enough to get a sneak peek of the DVD release of The Express: The Ernie Davis Story. This is really a first rate movie all the way around. Be forewarned that the movie does not stretch the film boundaries too much. It follows in the same vein as Rudy, Remember the Titans, and Glory Road. Still, I think you need a movie like this every couple of years to remind you of the power and the indomitable will of the human spirit.
I knew very little of Ernie Davis’ story before the movie, although I did recognize the characters of Jim Brown and Art Modell only because I am a football fan. The film stars Dennis Quaid, Clancy Brown, Charles S. Dutton, and relative newcomer Rob Brown. You might remember Brown from his roles in Coach Carter with Samuel L. Jackson and Finding Forrester with Sean Connery. Brown only has seven credits to his name on IMDB but he carries the movie like a seasoned actor. He is very likeable and a few more roles like this one should cement him in Hollywood.
The story is really first rate. They do some really neat things with the special effects and how they present the story. They use a technique where they use a variety of camera styles that I liked.
If the movie has a drawback is that most of the white people in the film (pretty much everyone from Texas) is kind of the stereotypical racist. Maybe I am too far removed from that time period but I find it hard to believe that they only sold Cotton Bowl tickets to the most redneck, yee-haw white trash. I give this a very strong recommendation. Look for it on DVD on Tuesday the 20th. I am not certain if it would crack my top ten list of 2008 theater releases but it is a darn fine movie. (Good enough for me to write a review for it…)

My Breadth of Worthless Knowledge is Infinite

I have often said that if I could ever focus my abilities towards the forces of good, I could probably cure cancer. Instead of focusing on math, history, and the sciences, I focus on pop culture, movie trivia and comic book minutiae. I have always said that my head is filled with useless knowledge. I can tell you how many focusing crystals Darth Vader’s lightsaber has, the resonance frequency of the U.S.S. Enterprise-E, and the molecular composition of Captain America’s shield. I play a game at work with the employees where they name any actor or actress and I can link them in six jumps to Arnold Schwarzenegger. It is a sickness really.
So the other day, a friend of the family spots me in the store and come up to me clearly needed an answer to a question. “So in Star Wars, when they are on that ice planet,” [technically it was The Empire Strike Back and the planet is Hoth] “they had those animals that they rode…” Without missing a beat I said, “Tauntauns.” (This was the creature that froze out in the wastes. Han Solo slices its belly open with Luke’s lightsaber and stuffs him inside for warmth.)
And with that the question was answered. The reason is because her new dog apparently makes noises that resemble the bipedal steeds. She would later go on to name the dog “Tauntaun.” But out of everyone she knew, she knew I was the person that could answer her question.
Sometimes being a geek is a curse. But it is a burden I am happy to bear…

Finding Beauty & Preparing for my Funeral

I have said in previous blog entries that you have to be open to your surroundings because sometimes you can find beauty and inspiration in unexpected places. I am also tremendously influenced by pop culture. I am a big fan of the television show Lost. As season five is about to start later this month, Amy and I have been watching DVDs of the previous seasons to get us reacquainted with the storyline. So in the Season 1 episode “Confidence Man,” the character of Sayid Jarrah is making a lonely walk away from the crash site to take part in a self-imposed exile. There is a song playing in the background accompanying his lonely walk. I had to do some Internet research but the song is called “I Shall Not Walk Alone” by the Blind Boys of Alabama.
Now, as if the name of the band doesn’t give it away, the song is performed by a group of black men that have voices filled with the kind of soul and wonderful, joyous pain I have not heard since the soundtrack for O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Gaining access to this song, I have listened to it over and over again. I can’t help but think of my mother when I listen to the song. It is just haunting and beautiful, joyous but sad, uplifting and yet depressing.

And when I'm tired and weary and a long, long way from home
I just reach for Mother Mary and I shall not walk alone.

Some may be surprised that you could find such tremendous inspiration from a TV show. You have to keep yourself open to beauty, kids. I can feel my mother’s presence when I listen to the song.
It is a painfully beautiful piece of music. It’s saved to my hard drive. For those close, make sure they play this one at my funeral (along with the Imperial March – my casket is to be wheeled out to that song). What I would give for one last walk. One last conversation. One last hug. One last “I love you.” It is the last words we spoke to each other in this world. But it still wasn’t enough. But I know I do not walk alone. It did not take this song for me to realize it, but I think of this more like a theme song…

A Case of Mistaken Identity (a.k.a. I’m Not Reading Twilight)

I am a big reader. Hopefully, being a semi-professional author (I’m still not used to saying that), that should not come as a big surprise to anyone. If you are an aspiring author, my best advice to you is simple.
Read.
Read anything and everything. By doing so, you can see how the published professionals do it. See how they put a story together and then find your own voice.
Still, here is a staggering statistic. Mick Foley (no relation) is a #1 New York Times Best Selling Author and professional wrestler. In his 2001 book Foley is Good (and the real world is faker than wrestling), he levies a staggering number that 70% of all adults never read a book after completing school. 70%!
But while appalling, that number is not far fetched. Say that a paperback book costs $7.00. If a book sells 100,000 copies (making $700,000) it is a runaway best seller. Howard Stern’s Private Parts shocked the literary world in 1993 by selling over a million copies. (I’ve read that book. It is hysterical.) Now, let’s say that your average movie ticket price is $7.00. If a movie only makes $700,000, it is considered a massive flop.
And here is some impressive numbers for you just to show the disparity. According to Variety, The Dark Knight grossed $996.8 million worldwide. Iron Man grossed $581.9 million. But I think that is probably safe to say that you could take the sales of all Batman and Iron Man related comic book sales for 2008 and you would be hard pressed to sell even 1% of that.
So movies are certainly the new genre for my generation. Writing a book is not a big deal anymore. Getting the movie deal, that is where the money is.
I’m kind of between projects right now (waiting on editors), so I have been catching up on my reading. My favorite author of all time is R.A. Salvatore and I absolutely love his Forgotten Realms book series. I have been reading them since I was about fourteen years old. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Salvatore’s work is the reason why I write. In many of his dust jacket covers, the blurbs say that Salvatore received a copy of The Lord of the Rings as a gift and after reading it promptly changed his major in college. That book changed his life. I would love to meet him one day and tell him that The Crystal Shard changed my life.
So because of my writing and schedule I was delayed in reading his 2007 release The Orc King. And since Amy got me his 2008 release The Pirate King for Christmas, I figured I needed to get going and get caught back up on my reading. So I have spent some time over the last week sneaking pages on my breaks and lunches at work. And when people come back and see me reading, many ask what I am reading or assume I am reading the Twilight series.
I must have had four people in one day ask me if I was reading Twilight. When I shared this with Amy, she asked me if I was reading it, I said, “I’m not a fourteen-year-old girl.” To which she sarcastically replied, “You aren’t a twelve-year-old boy but you read Harry Potter.” That is a whole different ball of wax and a blog for another day.
Still, anything that can generate that kind of buzz is a tremendous thing. And I’m not knocking the series of vampire novels by any means. I’m just not into the whole romantic thing. Clearly it is very popular but just doesn’t really sound like my cup of tea. I may check it out later.
Still, it is amazing how many people just do not read. I don’t think it is because they are stupid or illiterate. Maybe lazy. But people just do not read and as an author, that is pretty darn depressing.
But in the meantime I am pretty happy. I am hip deep in the battle for Mithral Hall and the attempted establishment of an orc kingdom under the leadership of Obould Many-Arrows. Heck, I’d write more for this blog but I am a pretty intense part of the book.

Catch everyone on the flip side!

Well, There’s Always Next Year…

Ah those infamous words. “There’s always next year.” The battle cry of the loser. Unfortunately, the New York Giants join those ranks after their loss to the Philadelphia Eagles in the division round of the playoffs. Still, I can’t complain too much. I was really hoping for back to back trips to the Super Bowl but they had an excellent year. Combining that loss with the defeat of the Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS championship and it was just not a good week for football. I am sure Florida and Pennsylvania residents would disagree. Of course my biggest fear is that free agency will pick apart the Giants players and coaching staff during the off-season.

However, the start of the next season seems like a lifetime away. Man, I’m going to miss football…

Happy Belated Elvismas, Media Vultures, and Kevin Costner is a Great Dumb Ass

I’ve been a tad busy and not able to update the blog as much as I would like but some things have been going on that I would like to comment on.
Yesterday, the 8th, celebrated “Elvismas” which was the birth of the King – Elvis Presley. In honor of this somewhat momentous occasion, I recommend “A Little Less Conversation” remixed by JXL (this is the theme for the television show Las Vegas) and the Paul Oakenfold remix of “Rubberneckin’” as featured in the movie Fred Claus.

As we are now more than one week into the New Year, there is a fifty percent chance that you have already broken your New Year’s Resolution. Amy and I have been talking about building a new house in a few more years. My goal this year was to quit pack ratting. I want to get rid of everything that we would not want to take over to a new house. And I am working on that. I could have gone with the standard lose weight, get in shape, or cut out drinking the Monsters but I wanted to have a resolution that I could stick with.

I would like to officially recommend Swing Vote coming out on DVD this Tuesday. It stars Kevin Costner, Kelsey Grammar, Dennis Hopper, Nathan Lane, and Stanley Tucci. This is a political movie, which made me nervous at first. I was afraid the movie was going to play up some filmmaker’s personal agenda. However, after watching the movie I could not tell if the director was a Republican (giant douche) or Democrat (a turd sandwich). The movie shines a glaring spotlight on the absurdity of American politics and the “do anything to win” mentality. It is a movie that is a comedy that sneaks in a very nice message. And in the movie, Kevin Costner is a complete dumb ass. He is apathetic, a loser, a drunk, and a terrible father. It is a wonderful acting job by him. And that causes me to raise a weird question…
According to my ACT scores, GPA, and such, I consider myself to be slightly above average in the intelligence bracket. I admit I don’t understand string theory or quantum mechanics but I think that I am pretty intelligent. So I often wonder, do dumb people realize that they are dumb? To they comprehend that they just don’t comprehend? I often wonder about that.

The earlier political subject kind of allows me to dovetail into a sore subject. This week, there were all sorts of news coverage on the Obama children attending their new schools in the Washington D.C. area. How is this news? Why would/should anyone care? I know they are the little girls of the new President but c’mon, man. News outfits should not be reporting on what they are having for lunch or what type of backpack they wear. There should be certain areas that are just off limits. Frickin’ vultures, man.

I’d type more but I’ve got more movies to watch, more junk to throw away, and maybe a little more political outrage to scream about… but that stuff just doesn’t interest me that much. Maybe instead I’ll make another action figure display. Those Marvel Legends SHIELD agents are coming out pretty soon… At least I'm focused on the improtant stuff...

Welcoming the New Year

2009. I wish I could say that I attended a massive party and had a wonderful time ringing in the New Year. Truth be told, I spent the evening watching movies. As the New Year began, I was laying in bed watching the ball drop in Times Square on television and then promptly rolled over and went to sleep. In my defense, I had to be at work at 7:00 a.m., which meant the alarm was going off at 6:00. And I am no longer a young man that can fully function with only a few hours of sleep.

I do find that the appeal of the New Year is very intriguing. Without a calendar, I don’t think you would know that it was a new year. And yet, that 01-01 in the date book gives people hope that things can get better. And this time around, I have real hopes for 2009. Fingers crossed. Stay tuned to this blog and I’ll let you know how it all turns out…