Sunday, January 25, 2009

Need a CEO to Run Your Company Into the Ground? Welcome to RMF Enterprises!

I’ve never professed to be an intellectual aristocrat. I am by no means a superior scholar. And I am not go to sit here and spout how my business acumen and skills in the bulls and bears market is superior to anyone. And yet, we have seen story after story of big business executives running major corporations into the ground… and getting paid millions of dollars to do it.
Case in point, take uber-douche bag John Thain, who is now the former CEO of Merrill Lynch & Co. This turd burglar spent $1.2 million redecorating his downtown Manhattan office in 2008 as the company was firing employees and posting record losses.
Thain hired Los Angeles-based decorator Michael Smith. Thain paid Smith $837,000 and his purchases included $87,000 for area rugs, $25,000 for a pedestal table and $68,000 for a 19th-Century credenza.
If I ever saw this guy on the street, I would junk punch him into tomorrow. The money he spent to redecorate his frickin’ office could support my family for the rest of our lives.
So hey, moron companies out there who are paying the CEOs extravagant amounts of money! Are you paying your CEO ten million dollars a year? Hire RMF Enterprises. We will run your company into the ground for half the cost. I’ll settle for five million a year. Look at that. I just saved your company five million dollars and I can’t do any worse than the inmates you’ve got running your asylum right now!
Step on up. Any takers? I’m sitting anxiously waiting for your email…

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