Uggg. Insomnia. Normally, insomnia is not exactly a bad thing if I don’t have to work the next day. I sneak into the living room. The house is quiet. The kids are asleep. I know the phone won’t ring. I can write without any sort of interruption. But, admittedly, I’m getting older and I need my sleep, especially if I have to work the next day. Or, in this case, in a few hours.
I’m venting here [hey, what’s a blog for?] but admittedly, on a personal level, my life could be a whole lot better right now. I am taking great strides to make it better but sometimes it feels like trying to ice skate uphill.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record but I think 90% of my problems stem from money. This is typically where the church types begin to warn, “Money is the root of all evil.” This is not true. If you check your scriptures, it warns, “The love of money is the root of all evil.” And while I admit I do love money, I realize that I do not need excessive amounts to be happy, I just want enough to be comfortable.
I just want enough to have adequate health care, plenty of food in the cupboards, and be able to go to the movies without cashing in my change cup.
Right now, I am the sole breadwinner for the family while Amy is in school, which means we are scrimping right now to get by. And it sucks. Right now, Amy is about 90% certain she will begin class to get her RN license in January. But it’s only August still. Which means a long time to go on a crappy salary.
Which means a pretty shallow Christmas. Which means having about 20 bucks left over at the end of the pay period. I just hate it. I mean, thank God we own the house. If it weren’t for that, we would be up crap creek. It is probably one of the few saving graces that I have.
Now, we are making our bills. The kids aren’t starving. We have electricity. We are not close to being homeless. It could be a lot worse but when I want to go out and buy a new DVD, I can’t just go out and pay cash for it. I have to save up for it and I hate that. I have to save up to buy Scrubs on DVD or a new music soundtrack… And if I have to save up to buy a DVD set, how can I go out and buy a new set of beds for my boys or a new couch for Amy? Some people go out and buy new furniture or new clothes because they want them. I don’t have that luxury. I wish I did. And when I think about this kind of thing, it makes me frustrated and adds to my stress.
Despite having over 50 legit “friends” on MySpace, my circle seems to be ever shrinking and I think that adds to the depression. With my mom gone and my Dad in California, it seems like I don’t have a “my side of the family” anymore. Many of my best friends are too far away. The poker games have broken up. And (see above) my amount of money is limited at best. Which means I work, I come home, do my Internet stuff, write a little bit, go to sleep, and then it starts all over again. My amount of contact with a wide variety of people is shrinking by the day.
There are times that I feel like I see the people at work the most. Thank God that my boss, Dave, and I are really cool. Also, I have made a good friend in the meat department named Luke (you can find him on my MySpace page). We have become fast friends. We share the same level of humor and share a lot of interests. But if I talk to Luke at work, we get glares from the management. And this begins to translate into laziness when really it stems from a craving for human contact. I mean people want to spend time with friends.
I am flanked by good news. I don’t want people to think my life is complete s--t storm.
Yes, I am working in comic books instead of just working at a grocery store. But right now, comics don’t pay the bills. There is an enormous amount of time between writing a script and getting a paycheck. This might be different if I had a monthly assignment. [And I am working on that: See my next blog entry.] I am still going to try to B.S. my way into Google but that is a long shot…
It is a tremendous thrill to be working in comics but splitting time between comics and my regular “job” is pretty hard sometimes.
The kids are all back in school which means the food bill drops tremendously.
I still have plenty of creative irons in the fire.
Good news and better times are on the horizon. I can see them. And if not for that horizon, I would probably be in pretty bad shape but as it is, for now, I’m taking it like an alcoholic.
One day at a time, people. One day at a time.
I’m venting here [hey, what’s a blog for?] but admittedly, on a personal level, my life could be a whole lot better right now. I am taking great strides to make it better but sometimes it feels like trying to ice skate uphill.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record but I think 90% of my problems stem from money. This is typically where the church types begin to warn, “Money is the root of all evil.” This is not true. If you check your scriptures, it warns, “The love of money is the root of all evil.” And while I admit I do love money, I realize that I do not need excessive amounts to be happy, I just want enough to be comfortable.
I just want enough to have adequate health care, plenty of food in the cupboards, and be able to go to the movies without cashing in my change cup.
Right now, I am the sole breadwinner for the family while Amy is in school, which means we are scrimping right now to get by. And it sucks. Right now, Amy is about 90% certain she will begin class to get her RN license in January. But it’s only August still. Which means a long time to go on a crappy salary.
Which means a pretty shallow Christmas. Which means having about 20 bucks left over at the end of the pay period. I just hate it. I mean, thank God we own the house. If it weren’t for that, we would be up crap creek. It is probably one of the few saving graces that I have.
Now, we are making our bills. The kids aren’t starving. We have electricity. We are not close to being homeless. It could be a lot worse but when I want to go out and buy a new DVD, I can’t just go out and pay cash for it. I have to save up for it and I hate that. I have to save up to buy Scrubs on DVD or a new music soundtrack… And if I have to save up to buy a DVD set, how can I go out and buy a new set of beds for my boys or a new couch for Amy? Some people go out and buy new furniture or new clothes because they want them. I don’t have that luxury. I wish I did. And when I think about this kind of thing, it makes me frustrated and adds to my stress.
Despite having over 50 legit “friends” on MySpace, my circle seems to be ever shrinking and I think that adds to the depression. With my mom gone and my Dad in California, it seems like I don’t have a “my side of the family” anymore. Many of my best friends are too far away. The poker games have broken up. And (see above) my amount of money is limited at best. Which means I work, I come home, do my Internet stuff, write a little bit, go to sleep, and then it starts all over again. My amount of contact with a wide variety of people is shrinking by the day.
There are times that I feel like I see the people at work the most. Thank God that my boss, Dave, and I are really cool. Also, I have made a good friend in the meat department named Luke (you can find him on my MySpace page). We have become fast friends. We share the same level of humor and share a lot of interests. But if I talk to Luke at work, we get glares from the management. And this begins to translate into laziness when really it stems from a craving for human contact. I mean people want to spend time with friends.
I am flanked by good news. I don’t want people to think my life is complete s--t storm.
Yes, I am working in comic books instead of just working at a grocery store. But right now, comics don’t pay the bills. There is an enormous amount of time between writing a script and getting a paycheck. This might be different if I had a monthly assignment. [And I am working on that: See my next blog entry.] I am still going to try to B.S. my way into Google but that is a long shot…
It is a tremendous thrill to be working in comics but splitting time between comics and my regular “job” is pretty hard sometimes.
The kids are all back in school which means the food bill drops tremendously.
I still have plenty of creative irons in the fire.
Good news and better times are on the horizon. I can see them. And if not for that horizon, I would probably be in pretty bad shape but as it is, for now, I’m taking it like an alcoholic.
One day at a time, people. One day at a time.
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